I'm not Him
by A Raven of Emotions
Summary: AU Kames one shot, Goth!James and Skater Boy!Kendall. Small summary: "However he hurt you, he won't do it again..."


Two teenagers were stargazing.

It was a clear, cool night in Los Angeles, the city lights for once not blotting out the twinkling stars.

One of them, a dirty blond with thick eyebrows, had his bright bottle green eyes on the other boy. The other boy, a bit taller with dark pink hair and blood-red eyes, has been quiet for a while now. They had been talking all day about nothing in particular, but now...it was like the older boy had lost his edge.

Even when the blond spoke up, all he got was silence.

"James, James what's wrong?" Kendall Knight asked gently, even though deep down he knew the answer.

Said pinkette sighed, sad blood-red eyes eyes taking in the other's thin, worried-looking face.

"Just trying to think if this...is a good idea." James Diamond began though looked at a loss on what to say next.

"If us is a good idea?" The older boy blushed, feeling confused inside; how was it that Kendall knew what he was thinking before even saying it?

Oh right, best friends since like forever. Still, if only he had listened to him the first time.

"Yeah, because I didn't listen to you last time and look what happened…"

"James, Jett used you. You didn't do anything; he used you, played with your feelings and in the end is a sick bastard that doesn't deserve someone like you."

"Someone stupid, gullible and just plain dumb?" James spat out bitterly, as if he had tasted something nasty. Kendall puffed out his right cheek in annoyance, arms going around the taller boy.

"Now you know that's NOT true, James! You're not stupid, or gullible or 'just plain dumb'! Sure you're a little too trusting but that's not necessarily a bad thing; the people who take advantage of that are the ones at fault, not you. You're sweet, funny, a great friend and smart in your own way. Jett couldn't value that and to be honest, that guy will never be happy. He'll never find someone to love, because he doesn't know what love IS. And I'm here, James…

The pretty boy looked away and bit his lower lip, trying yet failing to hold back tears. They streamed down his soft cheeks, his thick eyeliner running.

James has changed over the years, and his best friends Carlos, Logan and Kendall have seen it all: he dying his natural chocolate brown hair a dark pink, going for blood-red contacts and heavy eyeliner. Trading in his form-flattering, fashionable jackets and jeans for skin-tight, shiny leather. The chains and choker around his neck, wrist guards and double piercings on each ear and his naval. And the tattoos, the tattoos of skulls and demon wings across his shoulders, everything was different from what he use to wear.

James had changed from a happy, loud and energetic social butterfly to a sad, angry loner.

The leather and hair-dying, contacts and chains weren't really new. He was finding himself, and going Goth has been, to him, the best thing that's ever happened to him.

But the anger, pain and tears were new, and weren't what Kendall wanted to see on James, inside of James.

They didn't make him, him.

And it was all because of his ex-boyfriend Jett Stetson.

The jerk...the asshole had used James. He made him believe so many things, only to let him down and break his heart. He took his hopes and dreams and crushed them in his hand, taking everything of the once brunet with him.

James had laid his heart and soul in Jett's hands, only to have everything shattered right before his eyes. And he stayed with that asshole, James stayed with him for three years.

He lost his virginity to him at eighteen, marking their two-year anniversary.

And what did Jett do? Took the innocent, loving boy and broke him apart, broke him down like a wall.

James Diamond has always been beautiful in Kendall's eyes, and while the other was with the narcissistic blond he stayed in the sidelines and wished them luck...even though he knew deep down Jett would kill his best friend. He'd kill him, take away his dreams and make him feel boxed in.

Like he didn't have a choice to leave. That he'd have to take every punch, lie, bullet to the skin like he was meant to.

Kendall guessed Jett did that to built his own stupid self-esteem. The blond actor portrays confidence, smugness but he was a goddamn actor! Some knew who they were from the actor but he, he was all actor and no real person. No real person with a heart.

Kendall hoped one day Jett gets played the same way he did James, so he knows how it feels.

How it feels, to be treated like a toy…

"I'm here, James", Kendall emphasized as he cupped the other's chin, forcing the other to meet his eyes. Behind those cold, hard contact lenses the dirty blond could feel the warmth of James's hazel-green eyes. Even if it was below the surface, skin deep.

"I'm here, and I'm not rubbing it in your face about Jett. You know that's not my style, I just wish I could make him pay. Feel the same way you felt, how could he do that to you I don't know but I'm not him. I'm not him, James. I'm me, Kendall Knight and I've never left you behind.

James tried to duck his head, only to gasp when the shorter boy pulled him into a warm hug. He tried to push Kendall off, hissing at being touched but the dirty blond wasn't about to give in.

"K-Kendall, let me go!"

"I won't be that way, James. I'm not him and you know that. We've been best friends for years and however he hurt you...I promise he won't ever do it again. I'll spend the rest of my life if I have to to get you to see that everything will be okay.

"Shut up, j-just shut up!"

"You pretend you're okay; you smile and laugh like it's nothing, but you can't hide everything. Below the skin, you're in pain though! You're in pain, James, and you have to stop pretending you're okay! Let me see, please let me in and see!

"See what?! See how fucked up he left me?! Huh Kendall, is that what you want to see?! How screwed up, fucked up and broken I am!? You want to see just how bad he's left me, to the point in which I DON'T THINK I CAN EVER LOVE AGAIN?!" James screamed into Kendall's face, a scowl on but eyes...eyes wet and puffy and pleading.

Pleading to be helped, to find something or someone to trust again.

Something or someone to not...hurt him.

"James, remember that ring I gave you for your birthday?"

The pinkette brought up his right hand, careful not to smack Kendall in the back of the head.

There on his ring finger sat a simple ring. It really was simple in design, a silver band with a small chain around it. James has worn it ever since, never taking it off except when in the shower. Of all the jewelry he wore, this piece was one he never changed for another.

It was the one ring that meant a lot to him, because it came from Kendall. It came from Kendall; that was the only reasoning everyone needed when they asked about the unusual-looking ring.

He could lose everything today and not care, as long as this ring was still on his finger.

"The chain means something, Jamie. It means strength, loyalty and faith. Strength: what Jett did to you, yeah it hurts but it will only make you stronger. And also...because I'm here. I won't let you fall apart, you can lean on me forever if you need to and I'll be here. Loyalty: you were always there for me, and always had my back. People talk, gossip goes but you always trusted me, believed in me. From that I know that you'll always be there, and that you are one of the few people I can be myself with. And faith: I want you to have faith in me, that I'll make everything better. I'll do whatever it takes to help you heal, but you're going to have faith in me. You can walk away from that pain inside, James. I'm not asking you do it alone because I'm here for you, I love you and I'll show you what TRUE love really is. I'll show you how to love again; I'll be your best friend, your boyfriend, whatever you want me to be and I'll do it all for you. Everything I will do from here on out will be for you, James. But I'm not him, I'm not him and I hope you'll let me do what he didn't do: love you the right way, appreciate and protect you…" Kendall pressed a kiss to James's ring after his passionate speech was set and done said boy's blood-red eyes wide in shock.

'H-he do all that...for me?'

"I'll earn your love, James. I'm not asking for an answer right now, or months or even years from now. I'll wait for you to love me back; until then though, whatever he did...please know that I'm not him. I won't hurt you, I promise. I promise, I'll love you forever and show you how to love yourself again. I love you, and I won't be like him. Ever, I won't hurt you."

James choked on a sob as he threw his arms around Kendall's neck, biting his lower lip with his eyes closed. Tears continued to stream down his cheeks, though his cheeks were flushed and a weak smile was on his lips. Kendall hugged him back just as tightly, breathing in the sweet smell of James's hair.

Even with the bleach and dye job, it still smelled like lavender and vanilla.

"I'll love you for the rest of my life, and I'll help you heal." The dirty blond skater boy repeated, "and no matter what he's done, I will make sure all your pain goes away. It will take a while, but I'll spend the rest of my life if I need to to make you smile again. To make you really smile and laugh again, James."

'He's right, it will take a while.' James thought with a sniffle, chest tight yet warm at the same time.

It will take a while, but it will be worth it.

It will be worth it, to laugh and smile again.

To be happy and dream again.

To not cry, and slowly be himself again.

And Kendall right there with him.

Because Kendall was not him...

* * *

This was a random one shot, inspired by the song 'I'm Not Him' by Lovers and Liars. I've been thinking about a love that left me so broken, and to this day thinking about him hurts. But there's always new opportunities, new faces and new chances to fall in love again. So that's the lesson for this story; I know it's random, out-of-the-blue but the song, be male or female, talks the truth of heartbreak, love and trust. Tell me what you think, hoped you enjoyed it and see you all in the next one. :) **Disclaimer: I don't own BTR! I also don't own the song that inspired this one shot, though I wish I did! I only own the plot of the one shot!**


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